Summer’s over, the kids are going back to school, and the global economy’s still stagnant. As good a time as any to reassess some of the words and phrases that make up the vocabulary of the modern world.

Here are some re-definitions –  in no particular order, but alphabetical.

Bi-lateral tax agreement: The big squeeze.
Cash Crop: Trimming your budget.
Creating brand awareness: Wearing the T-shirt.
Credit crunch: The sound your Visa card makes when you shove it down the waste disposal. In disgust.
Counter-insurgency: When sales staff at Wal-Mart down tools.
Demographics: The full-motion video before Tomb Raider starts up.
Disengagement: A failed marriage.
Erudite: Learned. Educated. Or well-read. NOT a brand of ceramic-based adhesive.
Hedge fund: Money set aside by Beverly Hills residents, for gardening expenses.
Higher education: A private tutor.
Intelligence community: MENSA.
Intuition: Home schooling.
Jam session: What strawberry preserves were REALLY made for.
Letter opener: Dear Sir…
Missal strike: A work-to-rule at the Vatican Press.
Multi-lateral disarmament: Peace.
Negative appreciation: No, thanks.
Negative equity: The film for those juicy blackmail photos you’ve got stashed in a safe-deposit box, in Zurich.
Offshore tax haven: The houseboat you retire to after the IRS come knocking at the mansion door.
Over-capitalization: Something to avoid in e-mails.
Oxymoron: A high-school football player with a Strydex pad.
Positive spin: Clockwise (direction).
Signature product: A fountain pen.
Social network: A little black book.
Stimulus package: Liter bottle of Cola.
Subsistence wage: Rice.
Summit Meeting [1]: Hasty calculation of bar tab versus cash actually available, before the manager returns with his head bouncers.
Summit Meeting [2]: A confab with your ski instructor.
Surgical strike: Those days when you just can’t cut it, anymore.
The Old School Tie: A kipper.
Thinking outside the box: Free Sudoku booklet in every family-size pack of Cap’n Crunch.
Unilateral disarmament: Running out of bullets.
Viral marketing: What cyber-criminals do, to show their skills.
Walking on air: Light aerobics spot, for daytime television.

What do you think? 

Until next time,


Sorry; multi-lateral disarmament.